This Sunday
on NBC, SNL will air “SNL 40,” an epic retrospective about the last 40 years of
SNL’s existence. Throughout the 40 years, there have been about 2 constants:
hosts doing monologues and the Weekend Update. A 40 year sketch! Now,
throughout these 40 years, the Weekend Update has had its ups and downs. The
current hosts have not been living up to the standards set by those previous ones,
but the most recent Update was quite hilarious due to clever writing and funny
guests. As we approach SNL 40, I think it is fitting that we pay respect to the
previous funny Update anchors and guests. Now, I have already done this in my
first post, listing my top 3 Weekend Update moments, but there are so many more
that deserve recognition. I will leave many of these moments for future blog
posts, but right now, I will discuss two notable Weekend Update gags from the
Dennis Miller era: News From 10 Feet Away and the Grumpy Old Man.
NEWS FROM 10
FEET AWAY
In 1990
Dennis Miller was the Weekend Update anchor, and at one point he introduced a
new segment called “News From 10 Feet Away,” featuring Kevin Nealon. This
segment worked like a normal news report, only funny and SNL-based. Kevin
Nealon was featured as a reporter for Dennis Miller, sent to report on the
audience of the show, from 10 feet away. He would dress as a reporter for a
regular news station would if
they were reporting on the rain, wind, or any
other outdoor story.
 |
| Kevin Nealon, reporting from 10 Feet Away |
Kevin Nealon
would then go on to describe the audience’s mood. Here’s an example “report”
from Kevin Nealon:
Kevin Nealon: Dennis, once again, I'm standing
here, ten feet away from you and the Weekend Update desk. ... And, once again,
there are some lights and television equipment here as if there's a show being
performed. ... And there seems to be a crowd gathered. [cheers and applause]
Apparently, a rambunctious crowd and - and they're here to watch something. It
- it's an almost eerie similarity to the last time I reported to you from ten
feet away, Dennis. ...
Dennis Miller: And what's the mood over there this
time, Kevin?
Kevin Nealon: Well, once again, the mood is, uh,
uh, festive. [cheers and applause] It's a mood of anticipation, uh, I would say
mostly anticipation, Dennis. The people here seem to be waiting for something.
... Almost as if they're ready to be entertained and yet -- they're not being
entertained. ... Not in any way, shape or form. ... And now, from a fair
portion of the audience, I'm sensing a glint of recognition, mixed with
absolute disbelief. As if they're watching something that they had seen before
and that they never in their wildest imagination thought they would ever have to
sit through again. ... [cheers, Kevin clears his throat] And now, I'm - I'm
seeing some faces, uh, looking in my direction, Dennis, and I'm sensing a
feeling of pity. ... Pity and tolerance, almost as if they're watching someone
who does not appear on the show very often. ... [crowd says:
"Awwwwwww!"] Someone who is being allowed to make a token appearance,
being thrown a bone, if you will. Pure pity, Dennis. Pure pity. ... And now I
can tell the mood is shifting again, Dennis. ... This time to - to boredom. ...
Boredom and indifference. A feeling of "That's his problem, we came here
to be entertained. Why don't they get on with the real show?" All this
just ten feet away, Dennis. And now, within my field of vision, I see a man
with a headset. He's giving me a slashing "cut" gesture with his
hand. Uh, almost as if he's being directed to cut short a routine, if you will,
that is not working and should be stopped. ... Uh, a routine that was put on
without anyone's authorization or approval. Now, that same man is throwing his
headset down, Dennis, almost as if he can't get through to someone who is very
stupid or self-absorbed. ... He seems to be very irate. I can't give you a full
report as I'm only ten feet away. Oh, but, now he's coming a little closer-- Yes,
he does appear to be a little - a little ex-- [A hammer swings into view
conking Kevin on the head, he falls to the studio floor and sprawls there
unconscious, cheers and applause as we cut back to Dennis at the desk]
Interestingly,
I get the sense that Nealon’s observations about the audience growing bored
apply right now to this blog too. I mean, who posts an entire segment of
dialogue on a blog? I do, I guess. But the real question then is why? Why would
I do such a thing: subject you to the torture of reading? Well, because this is
one of the funnier segments of the Weekend Update. Kevin Nealon nailed the
character of the reporter, using a deadpan reporting style that hilariously
entertains. The monologue is quite self-aware and makes fun of regular news
broadcasts, which is what the Weekend Update, at its heart, is meant to do.
Also, this is an unconventional form of comedy for the Weekend Update, which is
so often confined to the Update desk with some guest characters. This one was
quite original and expanded the Weekend Update to not only discuss current
topics but also parody news broadcasts in general. I do not think that the
Weekend Update has tried anything like this since Kevin Nealon chose to report
news from just 10 feet away, which is a shame because this idea was quite
original, funny, and memorable. And now it’s time to move on to a more
conventional, but still hilarious, Weekend Update character.
GRUMPY OLD
MAN
 |
| I said "Grumpy Old Man" not "Gary Oldman!" |
Dana Carvey
is among the best cast members SNL ever had. From the Church Lady to U.S.
Presidents to Johnny Carson to Wayne’s World’s Garth, Carvey has portrayed
countless funny characters. However, it
is his “Grumpy Old Man” character of the Weekend Update that we will honor
right now.
 |
| In my days, we didn't have Kleenex! When you turned 17, you were given the family handkerchief! |
I’m sure all
of you have some old grandpa or grandma or old person you know who loves the
way the world used to be, saying “Back in my day, we didn’t have such and such!”
Well, this mindset is the very basis of Dana Carvey’s “Grumpy Old Man”
character: a character full of life experiences who hates the world as it is
and loves how it used to be. He would say things like:
“In my day
we didn’t have bottled water. Who
needs it? So clean and pure. In my
day we pumped raw sewage straight into the water supply and when we wanted a
drink of water it came out all brown and gooey and sometimes it had chunks of
hairy crud in it and that’s the way it was and we liked it!”
“In my day
we didn’t have all this athletic footwear
so that you could walk in comfort. In
my day we had only one kind of shoe and it was size 7 and if it didn’t fit you
would just jam your foot into it and by the end of the day you pulled your feet
out and they were just bloody stumps and you liked it!”
“Back then
we made our own fun. We didn’t need amusement
parks with their fancy rolly-coasters!
In my day, if you wanted a thrill, you’d just crawl on your knees to the top of
a mountain and fling yourself off! And you’d fall and land on your butt and
send your spine shooting up through your skull! And you’d scream ‘Oh no, maybe
this wasn’t a good idea!’ But it was too late, you were a heap of ground up
bones and you liked it!”
“…We were
just a bunch of morons with bloody stumps drinking raw sewage and jumping off
cliffs! That’s the way it was and we liked it!”
So I’m
guessing your grandparents don’t remember the “good ol’ days” quite like this.
But that’s not the point. The point is that Grumpy Old Man has good memories
that he clings to, memories that help him get through the misery that is our
world today. And if he has fond memories of the past, who are we to step in and
say “That’s stupid and disgusting and insane?” Dana Carvey’s Grumpy Old Man
deserves more! He deserves to be remembered as a hilarious old man who may not have
had the best past but still loves the way it was and won’t cave in. He doesn’t watch
movies or use fancy ATM machines or ride roller-coasters because they didn’t
have those things back then and they liked it! He deserves to be remembered for
his hilarious voice, perfect delivery, funny body language, and condescending
tone. Dana Carvey should have won an Oscar for this character, and don’t tell
me that they don’t give out Oscars for SNL characters!
 |
| In my day, there was only one show in town -- it was called "Stare at the sun!" ... That's right! You'd sit in the middle of an open field and stare up at the sun till your eyeballs burst into flames! |
In
conclusion, the late 80s/early 90s had some of the funnier SNL Weekend Update
guests and characters. Kevin Nealon and Dana Carvey portrayed two of the more
hilarious ones with perfect delivery and great feedback. As a result, they
should be honored, along with all the trailblazing SNL cast members before
them. And they will on February 15, for the SNL 40 special on NBC. Next week I
will discuss this tribute episode, and hopefully Weekend Update segments shown
or discussed during the show. If you have any comments, questions,
observations, characters, sketches, disagreements, agreements, arguments, or
other random things to say, please put them in the comments section. To
conclude with the words of Kevin Nealon as he hosted the Update: “I’m Kevin
Nealon, and that’s news to me!”
Sources:
Kyle! I really enjoyed your blog! I loved learning more about the older versions of the SNL Weekend Update. It was very interesting, not to mention Dana Carvey is my hero.... Excellent job anyway! Can't wait to read next week's!
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